by Dr. Ana Nogales, Ph. D.
From the Newspaper La Opinión

This article continues a series on domestic violence that I publish every two weeks. I’ve been presenting the case of a couple, Rosita and Victor, in which she lives with the torture of violence handed down by her alcoholic husband, focusing on the difficulties she has in asking for help and distance herself from him.
To discuss several topics, I invited readers to write to me with their opinions on what Rosita should do at various stages of the process that require her to take action. For this article, I invited opinions on what the effects of violence in the home might be on the children of Rosita and Victor.
I received many letters about personal experiences and opinions about what Rosita should do. But, surprisingly, no one has written about the impact on her children, with the exception of a reader named Victor, who told me that children are always on the side of the mother, again addressing rivalry between the couple rather than the influence it is having on the lives of the young.

This has caused me to reflect more on the situation and to observe that, when the couple fights or when there is alcohol and/or drugs in the picture, there is no time for—or even consideration of—the children. Undoubtedly, while the two are absorbed in their own conflict, the children are abandoned—at least, emotionally, and the parents are paying too little attention to them to think “What effect will this family violence have on them?”
Unaware that children are also involved in the family fights, the parents cannot protect them emotionally and consequently cause them to suffer a home crisis. It is essential to understand that any act of violence on the part of a family member can cause long lasting trauma, not only to the victim, but also to whoever witnesses the incident. Furthermore, repeated severe violence can cause a psychological trauma classified as post-traumatic stress disorder, which is associated with depression, anxiety, dissociative processes, sleeplessness, mood swings, hyper vigilance, fear, and other emotional problems that affect self esteem and ability to make decisions, leading at times to thoughts of suicide and drug use by children as well as adults.

Violent homes, in particular, produce children who have health and learning problems, who are usually truant from school, who have behavior problems, and who even become criminal. Of course, the pain of violence in the home is understood in adulthood. For example, one study in Minnesota showed that 90% of incarcerated males in that state grew up in homes where the mother was assaulted by her spouse.
There is no doubt that what one learns during youth stays in the mind as the model of what one is to be in adulthood.
Once a person learns violence, he accepts it and includes it in his own life as normal, unless he makes a great, conscious effort to change fundamentally, which in general requires professional help.
Each year, an estimated 3.5 million children are exposed to violence by a family member against the mother. Also, studies indicate that 30 to 60% of men who physically abuse their wives also abuse their children. The numbers are clear and conclusive that a couple’s fight is a family problem and that, if we decide to live in a family, we must take into account that they will continue and transmit the same conflict that the parents did not know how to solve.
In two weeks, we will continue with the case that Rosita decides to return home two weeks after leaving Victor. Here we ask: