by Dr. Ana Nogales, Ph. D.
From the Newspaper La Opinión

Do you have the right to become angry? Of course! Anger is a normal reaction. One becomes angry when he wishes to re-establish his dignity by confronting an injustice or to correct something that was bad or wrong.
Getting mad can be effective in some cases. But, in most, it leads to aggressive behavior, producing harm and self destruction.
We know that expressing anger, that is letting our emotions flow and expressing simply why we are frustrated leaves a person more predisposed to the next episode of rage.
Once a person becomes angry, his blood pressure rises at least 20 points and the next angry episode is ready to explode. If the approach has been to ‘let him go ahead and get angry because it will calm him down,’ this is not working, because it actually sets him up for the next angry outburst. So, what is a better way to express these emotions which we have said are normal?

First, we must accept that we are angry, rather than dismiss this feeling and pretend that everything is alright. By accepting it, we can determine what has made us angry. It is only when we have a clear idea of what is bothering us that we can work with this emotional reaction. Otherwise, we will blame or accuse unjustly.
Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint what really bothered us and it could even be more than one incident. To concentrate on what happened to us, relaxation can be our best recourse.
In a state of relaxation, the mind reduces its pressures and can rerun memories—even the difficult ones—in search of the answers we need.
To relax, find a comfortable place in your home, listen to soft music (like classical), close your eyes and breathe deeply. Let your imagination carry you to a tranquil place where you have been or to some imaginary place. Let yourself imagine that you are actually there. Once you are peaceful, you can examine what happened and why it made you mad. If you don’t find the answer this time, it may come to you tomorrow. But wait to act until you know clearly what happened.

Once the incident is more clear, look at it in context, in the scheme of events, and analyze whether it is worth the trouble of becoming angry. Sometimes an event seems to be a very big thing at the moment, but when we evaluate it from a distance, we see that it is irrelevant or that it was the consequence of a person’s response due to his own motives, but that it really had nothing to do with us.
Usually, it is necessary for us to communicate what it was that bothered us. Sometimes, when the topic is too critical, it is a good idea to write this, in order to avoid a confrontation that escalates into hostile or violent conduct.
Whether it is in verbal or written form, it is essential to communicate. Communicating is not starting a war you hope to win. In general, when someone starts a battle, even if they gain some ground, they leave a loser, because they tarnish their own image.
If it’s a marriage, the couple loses because they have not grown beyond the differences to which both contribute. If it’s a verbal battle at work the initiator also loses because respect for him is now lost.
Here are some good tips on how to show your displeasure: