by Dr. Ana Nogales, Ph.D.
From the Newspaper La Opinión

Aggressiveness and domestic violence are socially unacceptable, even in a home setting. Nevertheless, in some cultures, to “express your will and never compromise” is viewed as very masculine. In daily life, the aggressive person and those he strikes suffer the consequences of what we observe to be a character flaw or a lack of positive communication skills. Domestic violence and anger control programs offer many responses to this problem, such as learning to express oneself better, listening more skillfully and asking what the other needs without intimidation, and understanding that the need to dominate is causing the violence.
Also, psychiatric medicines can be therapeutic. Ironically, the person who feels out of control takes antidepressants, rather than tranquilizers, as observations indicate that these raise the level of serotonin in the blood, reducing violence.

But what causes some men to be aggressive? We cannot assign responsibility only to a macho society and blame it for all the nastiness. Also, there must be a reason why some men are violent and others are not.
There are certain psychopathological conditions, such as those demonstrated by the sociopath, that produce violent behavior in women as well as men, with responses that are atypical of the very separate problem of domestic violence. We are speaking here of people who respect no social standards and who respond to no type of conventional treatment; those who often end up in jail, paying for their crime.
The difference is in an emotion: shame. For example, the psychopath ‘has no shame.” He doesn’t hold himself responsible due to lack of consciousness that he has done anything wrong. This person feels no remorse for his faults.
However, the male who responds with violence in his home or under certain other circumstances in which he knows it must be tolerated, does “suffer shame” and it is this very shame that produces his anger and consequent aggressive behavior.

This is a particular type of shame caused by the man’s feeling inferior to others, and even more so in the presence of a woman. To dispel doubts and insecurities, he tries to impose a manly presence at the cost of harming even the people he loves the most. Most such men witnessed violence in the home by their own fathers, thus learning that violence is a possible way of affecting those over whom you are losing control.
The internal world of the aggressor is very confused. This is a person who finds it very difficult to be intimate with another, causing him shame, ill feeling, and frustration at not understanding the mechanisms of his difficulties.
But, when he realizes his problem—probably developed at a young age for lack of parents or the security they should have provided him—he can begin to bring his actions under control.
In this way, a person discovers that, underneath the courage and fury, there is a feeling of impotence, rejection, abandonment, and low personal self esteem that causes him to act impulsively. When he understands this dynamic, a person can allow compassion for himself without attacking or blaming anyone, simply understanding himself and learning how to communicate more efficiently.
Unfortunately, many men ignore these factors, because they have been taught to not focus on their emotional life and they only react after they have already lost their mate and family, which happens in 50% of these cases.